I have insomnia. Again. I can’t say I’m terribly surprised. I am, however, quite fed up.
My vacation is coming to a close here pretty quickly. I will head back and hustle to get homework done for my next Master’s session. Then I’ll research the best hospitals in the city for my 8th semester in medical school. And when I show up that first day of class, I will be flawlessly decked out in white, ready to roll.
At least, that’s how I picture it in my mind. But frankly, beyond wanting to close my eyes and sleep for the next 10 hours, I don’t wanna focus on much else.
I had dinner tonight with a teacher I had back in high school, M. She’s been one of my biggest supporters. Every time I come into town we get together and chat. She’s amazing and optimistic and someone I genuinely respect. Only tonight, I think I may have let her down a wee bit.
We were chatting about a girl we both know. We’ll call her Mandy. This gal has a story similar to mine in that she’s a med student only she’s never actually lived in the States. She’s from South America and has an American boyfriend whom she visits occasionally. Anyhow so we were talking about the two and I did my perfectionist character assassination thing (sounds more awful than it really is, read more here) and M went off on me. So yeah, I think I may have gone over the top with my analysis of that couple’s relationship. Truth be told, Mandy intimidates me ’cause she’s younger and thinner and I wanted her boyfriend for myself. Evil, right? Totally. I know! Ugh.
In all honesty I don’t genuinely believe Mandy’s boyfriend is right for me anyway. Aaaand this girl is light years away from her degree; a year from now, I’ll be planning my graduation. (Petty, petty, petty.) I shouldn’t really give a hoot about what happens with Mandy and her man. But it pushes my buttons.
I miss him.
Sitting here in the dark watching Grey’s Anatomy I can’t help but think back to him. They say that when you can’t sleep at night, it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dream. I wonder how true that is…