morpheus is MIA.

I have insomnia. Again. I can’t say I’m terribly surprised. I am, however, quite fed up.

My vacation is coming to a close here pretty quickly. I will head back and hustle to get homework done for my next Master’s session. Then I’ll research the best hospitals in the city for my 8th semester in medical school. And when I show up that first day of class, I will be flawlessly decked out in white, ready to roll.

At least, that’s how I picture it in my mind. But frankly, beyond wanting to close my eyes and sleep for the next 10 hours, I don’t wanna focus on much else.

I had dinner tonight with a teacher I had back in high school, M. She’s been one of my biggest supporters. Every time I come into town we get together and chat. She’s amazing and optimistic and someone I genuinely respect. Only tonight, I think I may have let her down a wee bit.

Green eyed monster.

Green eyed monster.

We were chatting about a girl we both know. We’ll call her Mandy. This gal has a story similar to mine in that she’s a med student only she’s never actually lived in the States. She’s from South America and has an American boyfriend whom she visits occasionally. Anyhow so we were talking about the two and I did my perfectionist character assassination thing (sounds more awful than it really is, read more here) and M went off on me. So yeah, I think I may have gone over the top with my analysis of that couple’s relationship. Truth be told, Mandy intimidates me ’cause she’s younger and thinner and I wanted her boyfriend for myself. Evil, right? Totally. I know! Ugh.

In all honesty I don’t genuinely believe Mandy’s boyfriend is right for me anyway. Aaaand this girl is light years away from her degree; a year from now, I’ll be planning my graduation. (Petty, petty, petty.) I shouldn’t really give a hoot about what happens with Mandy and her man. But it pushes my buttons.

I miss him.



Sitting here in the dark watching Grey’s Anatomy I can’t help but think back to him. They say that when you can’t sleep at night, it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dream. I wonder how true that is…


4 thoughts on “morpheus is MIA.

  1. So at some point soon enough when I have the time I’m going to start at the beginning of your blog and hear all of your stories until now. But for the moment, I just wanted to say hi – I stumbled to your blog by accident and had a few oh-my-god-we’re-a-bit-too-alike moments [e.g. I was in med school just over two years ago – so I feel your pain (though at least in Australia I don’t have to sit the boards, and if it’s okay with you, I won’t get jealous about that); I identified with Meredith Grey until season 2 where I wanted to kick her because anyone who’d treat you like that doesn’t get to be called anything-Dreamy and I’m still a bit annoyed that they got together in the end; and some of your love related posts I read sounded scarily familiar].
    I don’t expect you to reply to this or follow my blog out of obligation.
    Just wishing you good luck with it all from the other side of the world. Trade sleep disorders for a day? I have narcolepsy and could always use extra non-sleep time.
    – Gigi.

    • This is one of the best compliments I have ever received!! Hello! And thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I’m so glad to hear that you are able to relate to some of what I have written; it encourages me to keep on writing.
      Aaaand I would be delighted to drop by your blog too (soon as I get enrollment for this semester out of the way).
      Your good wishes came at a great time as I am suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the boards and other life-stuff.
      Can’t wait to read your posts, as it’s always good to hear from people who survived med school. Makes the whole mess seem more doable somehow.
      Saludos from México!!

  2. I’m looking forward to seeing more of your writing. Even if it’s complaining about how hard med school is (because it is) or how you don’t think you’ll get through it (but you will) – and if I can be of some support, I will.
    I don’t know much about the boards, are they really that awful? Our final exams here are gruelling, but manageable – it seems like the boards must be a lot worse than ‘just an exam’. What’s taking up most of your worry about them?
    As for any other life stuff – it is difficult to have something of a life during (and after) med school – but it’s possible, so hold your head up, you’ll get there 🙂

  3. I guess my biggest concern is that although I know how I stack up here in Mexico, compared to my classmates, I don’t know how I’ll fare when I’m up against American medical students. I’m not worried about Mexico’s version of the boards, but I am petrified by the thought of the USMLE. And ultimately I want to head back home, to be with my family. In order to do that, it’s essential that I do well on the boards… It’s still some time away, but since it’s a series of exams, I have to get started now.
    Furthermore, I have been juggling a Master’s on the side for about a year now. And with this semester in particular, I’m having a really difficult time making sure that my schedules don’t overlap. I wonder just how much I should invest in a degree that I don’t genuinely plan to put into use. I’ve contemplated setting it aside but the word “quit” isn’t in my vocabulary… :/

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